Bad Guy Traditions
by Story Weaver1
Summary: Just some nonsense with villians from various games and shows
1. Intro: Damsels in Distress

Just an idea I got while web surfing

Disclaimer- I don't own any of characters in this fic except for Jiopo

Bad Guy Traditons

In a void lit by purple light, a lone chunk of rock flaoted adrift. It was barren except for a tall, dark castle. Balls of light appeared on the grounds encircling the castle. Out of these spheres came various figures. Out of one came a young man man with long black hair, carrying a babbon pelt. He walked toward the castle and ran into a man with a black beard, wearing red and black robes and carrying a golden serpent staff.

" It's been a while Jafar." Said the man with the baboon pelt.

" Yes it has Naraku , five years I believe?" Asked Jafar.

" That sounds right." Said Naraku.

Suddenly a blue arm wrapped around both villian's shoulders.

" Hey Baboon, TowelHead! How are ya, how've ya been, you look good." Said a man with blue skin, blue fire for hair and wearing black robes.

" Just fine Hades." Said Jafar as he removed the Lord of the Dead's arm from his shoulder and making a face like he was touching something icky. Naraku glared at Hades.

" Touch me again, and I'll absorb you into my body." He threatened.

" Watch your language Naraku, someone might think you're gay." said a teenager wearing red and blue star earrings and a white cloak, while being followed by a giant fire creature. Naraku glared at the teen and causing him to smirk. "Unless of course you are." Naraku glared more.

" If I remember correctly Hao, you were BANISHED from the League of Villans."

" Yes, but I couldn't get into the League of Heroes, and I had to do SOMETHING to pass the time before my next reincarnation." Said Hao with a shrug.

" I don't know why you keep going back to that world, it's a lot more fun in the Underworld." Said a man covered from head to toe in bandages, wearing purple gloves and carrying a sword. A brown haired women wearing a red kimono was hanging on his arm.

" Shisho-sama was just voted Most Evil Villain of Hell." She said admiringly. Hao shook his head chuckling.

" There's more to life er death, then mindless killing and destruction, although it is fun."

" Like what? Saving a bunch of trees and bunnies?" An energy bolt landed in the middle of the group of baddies. They looked to see who threw it. A man with dark skin, red hair, and wearing black armor.

" We're comming Ganndorf." Said Hao. Hades rolled his eyes, literally.

" Jeez, after spending generations in a dimensional prison, you'd think the guy would be more patient." They all walked into the castle.

In the main hall was a large oval table were all kinds of bad guys were sitting, chatting, and fighting amongst each other.

" ORDER! The billionth gathering of the League of villians is now called to order!" Shouted a young man wearing dragon armor. The baddies continued fighting each other. The man sighed, transformed into a dragon and blew green fire across the room. Everyone stopped and looked at him. The dragon changed back.

" Now that I have your attention, the meeting will begin." He took his seat along with everyone else. " First one the list is, we have a new member to our estemed league." He turned to a boy with red hair, wearing a black jump suit and was currently picking his nose.

" Jack, show the new member in." He said.

" Aw, I have to do everything, why can't another minor villain do it?" The man transformed again and snarled in his face. Jack screamed a baby.

" Right away Chase." Another growl. " IIIII Mean Master Young!" The boy ran to a door and opened, in the door way was a boy with blonde hair, green eyes and was wearing red and black armor. He smirked.

" Hey guys what's up?" There were mumbles through out the room. " My name is Jiopo and I come from the 246th version of earth. I'm a corrupt bounty hunter and my hobbies are killing, stealing, maiming and saying jokes with horrible puns."

" Jiopo, are you versed in evil villian traditions?" asked Jafar.

" I was hopping to learn from the best. It's a dream come true to learn from such well fear villians."

" Flattery and charm, you have been studying." Said a man wearing black and orange armor. " I assume you know other mind games?"

" Yes Mr.Slade, I'm a big fan or your work."

" Jiopo, what do you do if you have many arch enemies?" asked Chase.

" Turn them against each other, or to the darkness. Both ways save me work and create more negitive energy."

" Yes, all hearts are meant to be consumed by utter darkness!" Said a tall man with long white hair, throwing up hsi hands dramatically.

" Simmer down Ansem." Said Hades.

" Sirs, there is something that puzzled me when I was working with corrupt cops."

" Yes?" asked various baddies.

" When kidnapping a damsel, why not just kill them instead going through all the trouble?"

" How else would you get a goody-goody hero to go on a long tedious journey, meant to kill him, to get her back?" Said Ganndorf.

" Wouldn't threatening the world do?" asked Jiopo.

" One would think so, but nothing makes them angry like kidnapping their girlfriends."

" Couldn't we just kill the hero directly?" askd Jiopo.

" No, because then their girlfriends would get pissed and beat the crap out of us." Said Hao.

" You mean the ones that are easily kidnapped?"

" Yes, you see, the kidnapping has the element of complete, so it's over before they can fight back. If we went after the heroes first, their girlfriends would be the ones coming after us."

" But what's the problem with that?" Jafar sighed and looked up.

" ah, to be young and ignorant again." demon with grey skin, red hair and a giant purple spider tatto on his chest spoke up next.

" The only ones capable of defeating a hero is his respective girlfriend, since we have a hard enough time fighting the hero, we'd get pumeled by the heroine." He said. He opened a viewing protal to show Jiopo what he meant. Yusuke getting slapped around by Keiko, Ranma sent flying by Akane, Zelda leading Link by the ear, Inuyasha 'Sat' by Kagome and Mario carrying a mountain of packages for Peach.

" No contest." Said Naraku.

" Over before it started." Said Ganndorf.

" SRO(Single room occupant)." Said Bowser.

" Death by mallet." Said a large group of professional kidnappers from Nermia.

" I don't understand." Said Jiopo. Chase put a hand on Jiopo's shoulder.

" You have much to learn about our ways, but we will teach you."

Good? bad? Delete? Please review at least.


	2. Henchmen

Here's the next story

Disclaimer-I don't own any of the listed characters

Bad Guy Traditions: Sidekicks and henchmen

Motor Ed flew in on his Motor cycle and landed in Dr.Drakens lab.

" Ah Ed, I'm glad you could make it." Said Dr. Draken

" Always happy to help a fellow evil genius, seriosuly I am." Said Ed. "So what's the problem?"

" I'm trying to make an android that can fly at hyper sonic speeds, but I can't get the transwarp giero engine to get an synch with the EYES(Eletronic Yapinized Electrons See).

" Hmm, let me take a look."

Later

" Ah I found the problem dude. Seriously I have. WHAHAHAYAEO!" Motor Ed started his guitar solo dance. " Alright get soma your henchmen so we can fix this."

" Henchperson."

" why?"

" My female employess, aka Shego, complained about it being discriminatory and wanted something more politcally correct."

" We're evil geniuses! Why do we have to worry about politcal incorrectness, Seriously why?"

" Because of... the... DUBBERS"

(creepy music)DON DON DAAAAAAAA

Everyone within earshot froze. Then the henchme---people started whispering amoung themselves.

" I heard professor Yagami in Japan wasn't allowed in the US because the... you know who... thought his show was pro gay marriage."

" why?"

" Because he spent all his non-working hours with his male friends."

" But's that's so evil!"

" Of course it is. Why do you think they were invited to the meeting a year ago?"

" But why do you have chicks working here anyway?" asked Ed

" It was Shego's idea." said Draken

" Dude you're a wuss."

" I AM NOT!"

" Why don't you tell that to her?"

" DRAKEN! ONE OF YOUR STUPID FLOKINES TRASHED MY ROOM!" Draken hide behind Ed.

" Ok I'm a wuss." Shego jumped down from the balcony, hands glowing.

" Outa the way motor head."

" That's Motor Ed, Duddette. Seriously it is." Shego grabbed Ed's collar.

" Call me Dudette again, and you'll be called Motor Dead!"

" Got it du maam."

Hench Co. HQ

" I'm very excited to have you all here today." Said Mr.Hench to Dr.Gero, Dr.Ivo 'Eggman' Robotnik, and Dr. Jumba Jookiba.

" Vhat are you vanting to discus Mr.Hench?" asked Jumba.

" Yes I would like to know too." Said Gero.

" As would I." Said Eggman

" As the preimer supplier to evil doers, I have to stay ahead of the curve." Said Hench. " Dr. Gero, the greatest at making andriods, Dr. Robotnik the greatest at making large scale mechs and space craft and Dr. Jookiba The first to piooner genetic expermination for sentient lifeforms, with your technology, Hench Co. could deliver state of art henchmen on three different levels."

" HENCHPEOPLE!" Yelled the protesters outside.

" Ignore them. They' just a bunch of bleeding hearts from the left." Said Hench and pulled down the curtains. " Here are your contracts, do we have a deal?" The evil geniuses looked over the contract and nodded.

Later at the water cooler inside Hench Co.

" Did you hear? Three mad scientists joined the force today."

"So?"

" So? Soon they're will be robots and genetic mutations doing OUR jobs!"

" But I have a degree in henchmening."

" HENCHPEOPLING!"

" But it says Henchmening on my Certifacate."

" That's because you got it before the ...dubbers..(DON DON DAAAAA!) made everyone polically correct."

" I'm safe. I have a degree in Hench...peopling, an asioscate in GBBH(Getting beat by heroes/heroines) AND a master's in incompence." Said one and puffed his chest proudly. Everyone else stared in amazment.

" But I'm just an intern, I don't a chance against a robot or a genetic mutant." Said one and started cleaning his desk.

" Me too!" said the person next to him and did the same to her desk.

" Everyone calm down! We just have to stop them before they go into production! Who's with me?"

" YEAAAAHHHHH!"

Given their large numbers they were able to quite a bit of damage.

-the geeks downloaded viruses into the robots and poisoned the mutants

-the sluts who had gotten this far on thier looks charmed the higher ups

-the perfectionists mangled the spawning vats and the production factories, destroyed all the research and called up various people to remove the evil geniuses

Jumba's lab in Hench Co

" JUMBA! WHAT HAVE WE TOLD YOU ABOUT WORKING FOR EVIL CRIME LORDS?"

"Little girl, 626,...ehhh. Vhat are you doing here?"

Gero's lab

" How'd you get out of HFIL(Home For Infinite Losers)?"

" Blast, it's King Yama."

Robotnik's Lab

" Hey Eggman! Ya given up?" Then there was a blue blur that knocked Robotnik off his feet.

" I HATE THAT HEDGEHOG!" Robotnik jumped in his ship and flew off, dropping his resigination as well.

Back at the Water Cooler

" Our jobs have been saved!"

" YEAAAHHHHH!"

" So what have you learned Jiopo?" asked Chase from his castle

" Never use Henchmen."

" HENCHPEOPLE!"

' How'd they get here?' wondered Chase.

AH: The first few were from Kim Possible.

Dr. Gero is from Dragon Ball Z. HFIL is where villains go when they are defeated, King Yama is in charge

Jumba is from Lilo and Stitch who he calls little girl and 626

RR


End file.
